Awake
by Anonymizz334
Summary: The sequel to "Words". Natara Williams is set to marry the man of her dreams, and the love of her life, Mal Fallon. People openly accept their relationship. And on top of that, the maniac serial killers of San Francisco have hibernated for the winter. She should be happy. Right? But something still eats away at her,and she struggles to find out what that is.Disclaimer:I own nothing
1. Prologue

_(Author's Note: Here it is! As requested, the sequel to "Words". Don't expect a bunch of crime and detective type situations. It's set before the Maltara wedding. As far as the plot, it's mostly about Natara. And in fact, most of the story will be in either her or Blaise's POV. I hope you guys like it! Please read and review!)_

_**Awake- Introduction**_

_Natara Fallon._

It still hadn't hit me.

This whole "marry the man you actually love" concept was a foreign idea until Mal and I finally revealed our feelings for one another. To be honest, despite how often he told me, I really doubted that he actually did love me- only because Mal seemed a thousand times better than what I felt I deserved.

But clearly, somebody out there(fate) felt that Mal and I were meant to be together. And they felt strongly enough to make me leave Oscar Santos, my ex-fiancé, and get engaged to my partner, Mal Fallon, six months later.

With Oscar, I had plenty of doubts. With Mal, I have zero. I wake up every morning and smile, seeing him snoring and drooling next to me.

And I guess I just love Mal.

And everything that he does.

I love the mini-fights we have about how messy he keeps his apartment. He tosses his dirty clothes on the floor, right next to his clean ones. I trip over them…

_I came home after a long afternoon of reports, Kai Kalaba, and hadn't eaten a thing all day. I was in the worst of moods. _

_Mal had beaten me home, since he only worked that morning, and was in the kitchen cooking us dinner. In that moment, I realized that I had the best fiancé on the planet._

_Except that less than thirty seconds later, when I walked into the dimly light bedroom, I fumbled through the darkness, ready to get dressed into something more comfortable than my uniform. As I cautiously stepped over piles of garments that were carelessly cast in every which direction on the carpet, I reached my side of the closet. I began to mentally complement the organization of my side. Beautiful. Well done, Natara._

_After changing into some loose sweatpants and a camisole, I took a very dangerous step backwards, losing my footing over something tiny. Probably a sock. I toppled over and loudly crashed on the floor. I didn't scream or anything, but I didn't need to for Mal to come darting in there. "Oh my god. Natara… what did you do this time? You're an accident waiting to happen, sometimes." _

_He ran to my side and delicately lifted me onto my feet. I was hungry, exhausted, and frankly, just exasperated. "God damn it, Mal. Can you not pick up your clothes, ever? You were here all day and what have you done, hmm?"_

_As soon as I said it, I felt horrible and wanted to apologize. His aqua blue irises burnt holes through me and he resembled something like a sad puppy dog. "I was here. And I was thinking… hmm… I know that Natara hasn't eaten yet today, and that Kai was tailing her all day and trying to talk to her about the Sims…I know! I'll make her a nice dinner. That's what I was doing."_

_He began to walk away, but he didn't even get half turned around when I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. I never, ever let a fight break out between the two of us. Ever. Either did he. We were just not like that. "I'm sorry, babe. I was just caught off guard when I fell. I didn't mean to snap at you…"_

_His gaze returned to normal and a smile spread across his lips. "No, I mean. You're right. Look, I'll clean up the floor tonight. It is a little dangerous to have clothes on the floor… especially when you're engaged to somebody as clumsy as you."_

_I playfully smacked his arm. "Shut up, idiot. What's for dinner? I'm starving."_

And I love the way he listens…

"_So as I was saying, it was Neha and I, and we were with Raj and Anita at the mall. And out of nowhere, this guy walks by and his hair was like pink. Like hot pink, all over. And his hair was as long as Kai's! It was ridiculous. And I was laughing but guess what Neha says…"_

_He sighs, spinning the wheel of his car to the left, driving us to the precinct one chilly, October morning. "What does Neha say?"_

"_She said he was cute! Can you believe that?"_

_After thirty seconds of silence, I grew irritated. "Mal, are you even listening?"_

_He rapidly twitched his head and jolted back into our conversation. I saw the wheels of his brain turning as he tried hard to remember what I had just said. His expression was adorable. "Uh… wow! That's so Neha."_

_I laughed, unable to even get remotely angry with him._

_He spoke again. This time, he momentarily took his eyes off the road and looked at me. "Why do you call their parents by their first names? That's so weird, Nat."_

And I love how he always protects me.

"_Mal, it's going to kill me! Get it, please!"_

_I scurried across the apartment into his room, cowering in the corner in fear. _

_A spider the size of Mars, swear to god, had just crawled up my jeans and was just hanging out there. As soon as I noticed it, I began to cry and hyperventilate, and I screamed at Mal to kill it. It ran off my leg, and hid somewhere else. And then there I was, feeling more terrified than ever. Having a legitimate panic attack. _

_After less than a minute, Mal pushed open the bedroom door and made his way to my side, giggling. "Are you kidding me? Big, tough FBI agent, but you can't handle a spider?"_

_I nodded. "I'm not ashamed to admit it." I smiled to avoid any further tears, fully realizing how much of an idiot that I looked like. _

_Mal noticed my anxiousness still being present and wrapped me up into his warm arms for a moment. The silence lingering in the air was beautiful. The stupid spider didn't scare me. The darkness of his apartment didn't scare me. Nothing could have scared me. I felt safe. "Mal, thank you."_

_His quiet laughter tickled my ear. The soft touch of his fingers on my shoulder blades and upper back soothed me. I could have slept. "No. Thank you." He replied in a soft whisper._

"_Why are you thanking me?"_

"_Because you chose me. Forever. And I feel like the luckiest man in the world."_

_My heart melted. It always did when Mal said cheese-tastic things like that. "I love you." I replied. "And I'm lucky to have the opportunity to."_

"_I love you, too, babe. But can we go back to watching that movie? It was just getting to the good part."_

_I smiled into his chest, still not letting him go. "That depends if you killed that spider."_

"_Yeah…about that… it crawled underneath the couch and I couldn't find it. Sorry…"_

_I released him and walked off in exasperation back towards the living room. "Ugh!"_

_Mal cried after me. "I love you, babe!"_

And I loved how he takes care of me when I'm sick.

_The sniffles plagued me and I didn't plan on leaving the couch all day. Mal had already left for work. And as the day progressed, I felt progressively more shitty. I was so congested that breathing was a little difficult. And it all resulted in a migraine to top it off. My head was buried against my favorite plush pillow and re-run episodes of Criminal Minds played on the T.V. _

_The clock struck ten and I felt like my head was going to explode._

_The clock struck ten thirty and I felt like I might feel better if my head actually did explode._

_And at Eleven, the apartment door flew open. But I felt too sick to even lift my head. _

_A moment later, a delicious cologne scent filled the air. And I knew all too well who was standing behind me. "Nat, I would ask how you feel…but I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that you feel pretty awful."_

_I nodded into my pillow. Even his soft voice made my head ache._

"_Well, I brought you some medicine, sweetheart. Dayquil, Nyquil, cough drops, Motrin, Aleve, and something else that trumps all of those…"_

_I waited._

"…_Cookie Dough ice cream."_

_Instantly, my head whipped around and I looked around for it. I reached for it. "Please…"_

_He laughed. "You have to take your medicine first."_

_As the doctor ordered, I took some Dayquil and he made me a delicious ice cream sundae. After devouring it, and while enjoying the numbness it lacquered on my swollen throat, I glanced over at Mal in the kitchen. "What are you doing home from work?"_

"_I told Anders that I needed to take care of my sick girlfriend, and that she needed to go to the doctors. He bought it."_

_A few seconds later, he stood behind me, hugging my shoulders gently with his muscular arms. "Babe, I know this is your favorite show, but they're re-runs. You can watch it later. Go sleep in the comfy bed."_

_I shook my head and nuzzled into him. "Nah. I don't want you to get sick. If I sleep there, my germs are going to be crawling all over our bed."_

"_I can wash the sheets, and if I do get sick, I don't care. You're kind of worth it. Now let's go cuddle and sleep the rest of the day."_

_How did he know? How did he know that I wouldn't be able to sleep properly, even with sleep aids, if Mal wasn't holding me…_

But most of all, more than anything… I love how he loves me.

_It was four in the afternoon. At the precinct, officers, detectives, and administrative workers bustled about trying to manage one of our busiest holidays- the fourth of July. _

_I gazed from my desk for a moment, spotting Mal in his office. He was clearly focused on his paperwork… My eyes searched for something else._

_They drifted towards the crime lab, where Kai was looking fiendish, fretting over a rubix cube. It appeared like he was literally losing his mind over it. I couldn't help but giggle. Then my eyes wandered to Jeremy Redbird. Him and Blaise sat in the break area, enjoying conversation over two steaming coffee mugs. They were cute._

_A buzzing noise jerked me back into my current painful reality. Searching for the annoying noise, I realized it was my cell phone. A new text message from Mal._

"_Stop people-watching and get back to work, gorgeous : )"_

_I couldn't help but smile._

_Five minutes later, as soon as I trained my brain to re-focus on the task at hand. The phone on my desk began to beep. Reflexively, I answered. "Special Agent Williams speaking."_

_His deep chuckle was on the other end. "Miss Williams, I'm afraid you've been a naughty girl. I need you to come to my office to receive proper punishment."_

_I gazed into his office, seeing him grinning seductively. "Mal, I'm going to freaking kill you." I hung up and nonchalantly snuck into his office, closing the door behind us. "Detective Fallon, the answer is no. I will not have s-e-x with you while we're at work!" I said it in a loud whisper, clear angry must have been spelled out on my face. I meant business._

"_Are you ten? S-e-x?"_

"_Whatever, I'm going back to work."_

_As I turned to leave, he zipped across the room and caught me. "I never said sex. I was obviously only kidding… but… I did need to tell you something…"_

_I sighed. "What now?"_

"_I love you."_

_I tried to hide the giant smile from my face. And I think I did it well. I had to look mad. I had to. _

_He just kept talking. "And I love annoying you. I love you I love you I love you I love you, Natara Williams."_

"_I really need to go back to work!" I hurriedly gripped the doorknob and tried to escape, again, and was caught… again. _

_His fingers lingered on my hips as his face remained only an inch or so away from me. "I just want a kiss, and then I won't bother you until later."_

_He didn't need to ask me twice._

_I planted a passionate, feverish kiss on his lips and decided it would be fun to surprise him. I summoned a large amount of strength and pushed him against the far wall, so nobody would see anything if they walked by. I fiddled with his uniform jacket, trying to remove it. Still while never separating our lips, I ran my fingers delicately over every soft curve of his body…_

…_I was lingering above his belt, playing with it. Driving him insane. And I knew it._

_I smiled against his lips and then abruptly pulled away. "I love you, too, baby."_

_He couldn't stop me this time as I reached the door. And I heard him mutter "That's the most evil thing that was ever done to me."_

_And I laughed all the way back to my desk._

Yes, I love Mal Fallon. And he loves me. And I've never been happier in my life.


	2. Chapter 1

_**Awake- Chapter One**_

_(POV: Natara Williams)_

I dreamt whenever I slept.

I mean, scientifically speaking, I dreamt a new dream every eight seconds just like every other human being. But recently, I was dreaming a lot more than usual.

And sometimes I love my dreams… sometimes. I loved this dream:

_Beaming rays of sunlight tore through me as I fully inhaled my surroundings. The field was stunning. A variety of colors of flowers, bushes, trees, and leaves cluttered every which direction in the most mysterious of way. I always love nature. And I also adored flowers. The clear blue of the sky soaked my vision as I gazed upwards. The natural heat from the sun beat against my skin and I wanted to embrace it. Everything felt perfect. I was one with nature._

_Feeling a wave of relief, I collapsed against the bare plain of green grass and shut my eyes, hoping I could remain in this field permanently. Heavy breathing, birds chirping, and the wind squealing were all I could hear. Breathing distracted the remaining of my perceptions. I felt nothing. I saw nothing but beautiful darkness. Nature's glorious smells of morning dew and spring air faded. The taste of the beautiful oxygen all faded away, as well. The only thing I could do was hear heaving breathing. It almost sounded like…_

_I wasn't alone._

_My eyes peeled open, breaking apart from my trance. After tilting my head to view the right side of me, I smiled. "Mal… it's about time that you showed up."_

_His callused fingers grazed my cheekbone, deepening the gaze with me, and melting my stare with his fierce aquatic eyes. "What do you mean?"_

"_I knew there was something missing before. And there isn't now."_

_A crooked smile danced on his lips. "I guess that's true. What are you doing here, anyways?"_

"_Relaxing. With you."_

_His fingers gripped my hand. And he never broke his gaze with me. We stared into the inner depths of each other's soul. "Amen." He replied._

_I didn't need him to kiss me, touch me, or hold me. I felt his warm love everywhere. From my heart to my head to my toes. Except I was paralyzed and him and I were in a separate universe, caught up in each other. Learning a million things about each other that we never knew, but without even speaking. Just from helplessly gazing into each other's eyes._

_I always wondered what he saw in me. And I knew it had to be something good, right? He was always smiling like an idiot._

An idiot, but an idiot that I was in love with beyond control. It was scary at first, but now, I only wonder what I was ever scared of. And then… the other Natara sinks into my brain. The Natara that analyzes everything, calculates everything, and lives and breathes simple psychology. Being a profiler, you would expect that I knew my own fiancé. What's funny- and maybe even a little ironic- is that sometimes, I feel like I know nothing about him. That's because all I do is psychoanalyze people. Mal was the one person I couldn't do that to, respectively.

Kinda like I never knew that he secretly had feelings for me. Blaise always cracked wise jokes about it. _Natara Williams, FBI profiler, oblivious when her best friend has a smitten fascination with her…_ Or, the better… _Natara Williams, analyzes people for a career, but cannot see when her best friends wants to bang her._

Sometimes, my nightmares truly get the best of me.

_Waking up in a dark room can be a little beautiful, if you're next to somebody you love. But when you wake up on freezing concrete, clutching to find something real to hold onto, you cannot help but hesitate._

_Time is a precious luxury and I never took too much advantage of it. I always tried to keep it on my side. My entire life- fixated on the goddamn clocks on the walls. Their tickings and noises. Their beepings and hands, moving in a continuous cycle. If a hand broke, time sort of stood still._

_No matter how painfully dark the atmosphere was, I knew I had been in this room before. From the way the walls creaked, and the way the darkness howled in my face. I just knew I had sat in this room before. _

_Despite my aching bones and muscles, I continued to groan as I reached around to find light. But soft breathing disturbed my senses. "Natara Williams, never expected you to be so harmed by darkness. You're supposed to be fearless."_

_Startled by the voice, I curled up into something similar to the fetal position, limiting movement to analyze the safety of the perimeter. Fearless…_

_Hardly. But yet, I knew that voice. And it was haunting. A series of lights flickered in the corner, stunning my eyes upon the sudden brightness of my surroundings. "S-Shawn. But… no. Not again. You're dead. This is just another nightmare. Let me go back to sleep."_

_The horrendous, yellow, chipped teeth showed through when he smiled, causing me to quiver a little. "At the moment, you are dreaming. I am only a figment of your imagination though. The chemistry of your so-called brilliant brain brought me here. So tell me, who is the villian? And who's the saint?"_

_I remained silent, refusing to feed into his game. _

"_You built me up. You brought me to life. You created the monster. And when I was living, you were guilty of the exact same crime. Everybody concerns themselves so much with Genevieve and her apparent charming, charismatic ways. She trained me and morphed me into some crazed maniac, only wanting to see blood. Right?"_

_I nodded._

"_Wrong. You're the one who's responsible. It eats away at you every night. And you know it better than anybody. But all the while, you rely on the thick, impenetrable shield that you masterfully crafted that makes you seem strong, independent, unharmed by the traumas of your past… your demons wake in only the shadows but never really come out to play. You convince yourself that I trained them, only to harm you more. And that my need to cause you harm is because of my vengeance, and isn't warranted."_

_I nodded, again. But this time, I refused to be silent. "It's not warranted. You're just crazy."_

_He sighed heavy, while moving closer to me. It all seemed far too real. His horrid stench filling my nostrils, making me want to vomit. The cold of the concrete as it met my bare limbs. The taste of the tension in the tiny, dungeon-like room. The sound of his footsteps inching closer and closer to my frozen self. "Crazy… just like how you made me. Accept this. It's your fault."_

_I shook my head, forcing my mind to switch back to reality. Back to bed…I murmured. Back to sleep…please. _

_I begged my mind to switch back to the warm contours of my comforter where Mal would be next to me, with his arms draped across me as protection. But no matter, I opened my eyes again, and my muscles tightened at the image in front of my face. _

"_M-Mal… w-what a-are you… put that knife down! Why are you aiming it at me?"_

_His fiendish eyes narrowed. Fiendish didn't describe him appropriately, though. He looked ballistic. Crazy. Monster-like. Just like Shawn, but with mesmerizing gem eyes. "Rise and shine, baby."_

_Before I could react, he charged at me with intense force, the knife aimed at my chest, less than an inch away. All I did was blurt out a deafening cry._

_And then I woke up._

Mal, immediately alarmed, pulled me into his arms and dried the tears that I couldn't help but release. As always, he wanted to talk about what the nightmare was. I had ones similar every other night. He wanted to know, and I promised that eventually, I'd come clean and discuss them but… it was easier promised than dealt with. How does one tell their significant other that they have horrific nightmares that depict the love of their life murdering them? Stabbing them? Brutally torturing them? Physically and Mentally.

I took far too much advantage of Mal's consistent comfort and blatantly appreciated it. But never could I ever discuss the inner, messed up function of the brain of Natara Williams.

I kept my secrets under lock and key. A lock that was quite frankly, unpickable.Shawn Mallory may have been dead, but he made a point to haunt me in every way that he could. Mostly, just my dreams.

Last night, I had that same dream. Again. But this time, I simply shot up from my sleeping position as quickly as a bullet, realizing that again, it had to be only a dream. But to my surprise, Mal wasn't in the bed next to me.

Perplexed, I wandered into the living room where I found Mal, watching a late-night stand-up comedy special. The dim lights hid most of the room in shadows, while the television lit up his area a neon blue shade. I snuck up behind him cautiously, and without him even noticing, I sat on the other side of the sofa.

Then I realized he was snoring. Loudly. Choking on his drool.

I gripped his muscular bicep and wiggled his arm gently, aiming to wake him up. "Mal, babe…"

After two more tries he finally stirred. An instant smile formed on his soft pink lips when he noticed that it was me. "There you are.. I missed you."

His strong, bare arms wound around me and pulled me close to him. The two of us snuggled up against the comfy sofa. I felt nothing but happiness in its purest form. "Why are you sleeping out here?" I whispered.

Mal must have felt extra lovey dovey today. He kept squeezing me tighter, but not too tight, and letting his finger graze my hair. "It's hard to sleep in the same bed as someone who starts thrashing and kicking without warning…"

I sighed. "I'm so sorry, I-"

He interrupted me and turned me around to gaze in his eyes. "Don't be sorry. Just tell me what happened. I know you don't want to talk about it, but if you tell me, I can help you."

I shook my head defensively, sliding across the couch. And I didn't know why. I loved it when he held me. But whenever he asked me to talk to him about my nightmares, I wanted nothing to do with him. "It's fine. I think it's just going to be temporary."

"You keep saying that." A warm, loving sensation enveloped my hand and I realized that Mal had taken it. After letting my gaze distance itself off into oblivion, I brought it back to Mal. His puppy dog eyes always drove me insane.

"It's true. It's psychology. Very very very very _very _mild PTSD."

"PTSD?" He inquired.

"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder."

Before I could fight the urge any longer, the urge to remain on my own side of the sofa, I was in his arms again. And either way, Mal snuck up behind me, still on the couch, snaking his arms over mine and around my waist. The remainder of his words were said in a soft whisper.

He planted an unbelievably soft kiss on my cheekbone, leaving butterflies behind. "Don't you think that if you can diagnose yourself, you're already halfway there? To solving the underlying issue… besides, PTSD isn't something you should ignore."

I leaned into him, enjoying the warmth of his embrace. "You're right. I still just would rather not talk about it. Okay?"

Several more soft kisses from Mal trailed down my neck, all the way to my shoulder and collar bone. My t-shirt was loose, and as it fell off my left shoulder, I felt a kiss there, too. Making my entire body tingle. A beautiful numbness overtook me as I relaxed deeper into him. "I love you." I commented, turning to lock my gaze in his. Again, feeling warm and loved from only looking into his eyes.

"I love you…" He replied before I barely even finished speaking, "… Way too damn much."

**Review Replies & Author's Note: **I haven't updated in a few days, and I apologize. About a billion different things are going on in my life right now… but I'll spare you the story. Hahaha. Anyways, please review! And thanks for being way too nice to me from those who reviewed the prologue : )

**Katie: **Thanks sooooo much! Don't worry. I will not touch Spencer. In fact, I wish the two of you the best. Here's your update : ) Hopefully another one either next week or later on this week.

**Tori: **Thank youuuuu! I love writing Maltara fluff. And I also love writing Jaise drama. Hahaha. I dunno why. And please, don't explode.

**Molly: **THANKS! You people are all way too nice to me, I swear. Aha.

**Jade: **Thank you sooooo muchhhh!

**Lisa: **YOU ARE WAY TOO NICE TO ME. Hahaha. Thank you sooooooo much, though. I'm not sure where the idea came from to do the flashbacks. But I also had an idea to make this story primarily flashbacks while still progressing into the future up towards their wedding? I'm not sure what to do with it but… either way, shanks!

**NiekaWow: **That's good : ) Here's an update that hopefully keeps you smiling!

**The Sarcastic Polar Bear: **YES. A FRICKEN SEQUEL. Lol. Yes, Mal is a sweetheart. And I have a hard time writing about him in Natara's nightmares when he attacks her. Because that would never happen ever in CoD.


	3. Chapter 2

_(Author's Note: Hey guys! I came down with a really bad cold! So here I am on a Saturday night, updating this. It's all Blaise-Jeremy. But I think it's really cute! Let me know if you like it!)_

_**Awake- Chapter Two**_

_Blaise's POV_

A scar is a scar. I guess we all have them. A scar is like a tattoo: it tells a story, and it's permanent.

Whenever I shed myself of my shirt, I saw the scar of a time I'd prefer not to remember. And when I lost Jeremy's child, it bothered me a bit more than I let on.

Sure, it was a relief in a sick, disturbing way that I didn't have to deal with an unplanned pregnancy, but I love Jeremy. And a mini-Jeremy walking around would have still made me ecstatic.

The scar on my stomach was from when Genevieve Collins murdered my child. Because she's crazy.

Natara went on and on and on and on about how Genevieve probably felt it was justified due to the fact that she had shot her "child", Shawn Mallory, that before she killed herself, she felt obligated in some twisted dimension of her mind that killing my child was justified.

But no matter what, I discovered that Jeremy was possibly the best boyfriend I'd ever had. Ever.

I sat stock-still in the bathroom, stuck on the image of my stomach in the mirror. Belly-button and ring, still attached, surprisingly. Four-pack somewhat chiseled abdomen. Check, still there.

Scar… check, too. Unfortunately.

A familiar, manly voice rang out, proceeded by my front apartment door slamming.

"Blaiseybear! _Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you…"_

The noise inched closer. And then I remembered… today was my 32nd birthday. It killed me only because I was that much older than him. The love of my life.

I sighed. As he continued singing the best he could. "_Happy birthday to Beautiful Blaise… happy birthday to-"_

He stopped immediately, and I heard his weight transferring on his feet outside the bathroom door. "Blaise? Shit… she isn't even here… and I just carried this heavy present all the way-"

He was cut off by me throwing the door open.

"Knew it."

I realized the trick he just pulled, but whatever. I greeted him with a warm embrace and a soft kiss on the lips. "Happy birthday, babe. I got you something special for today. You see… it's not only your birthday. It's our 6 month anniversary. And I found something absolutely perfect…"

He took my hand and led me into the kitchen, to a cake, which was of course, my favorite kind of cake. It was creepy that he remembered all of the dumb things about me, like my favorite food, favorite cake, and favorite color. He knew my favorite TV show, my favorite case I'd ever worked on(and yeah, I understand that it sounds weird… but every cop and detective has their most memorable, favorite case), and even weirder… he remembered my birthday, phone number, and our anniversary.

He definitely was the girl of our relationship. Which was fine. Somebody had to be.

He smiled cheekily and beckoned for me to step over and blow out my candles. "Ugh.. Rookie.. I cannot believe you're seriously making me do this right now?"

He giggled, pulling me gently towards the counter. I gazed up at Jeremy, smiling widely and probably looking dumb. But I didn't care because right then, I realized the wish I was going to make.

_I closed my eyes, letting myself sink into the depths of my heart. My heart, which was- up until now- a hollow mass that only was beating because it had to. I thought I found the one before. Even when I met Mal, the feeling wasn't the same._

_I never thought I'd get over that. As much as I hid that from everybody else, it truly broke my heart every day I noticed him following Natara around like a lost puppy. But then Jeremy came into the picture, and I felt something completely different. _

_I felt whole._

_Complete._

_It's kind of ridiculous, I know… _

_But that's how love is supposed to feel, right? Just… ridiculous. _

I made my wish and even when I opened my eyes, everything was still black. I felt around, emerged in a full panic. I felt his warm arms grip me again, as his soothing voice caught up to me. "Shh… relax. Just a blindfold. I can't have your present _not_ be a complete surprise."

I giggled. "Oh my lord… What did you do?"

He stood me still as he began to yell out. "Mal! You can come in now!"

Immediate shock set in when I heard Mal reply. "Hold on! This thing's trying to kill me!"

I heard Jeremy sigh in disbelief… "Hold on." He whispered into my ear while gently rubbing my shoulders.

I giggled again. "Jeremy, you got me my very own Mal Fallon? Why…. Thank you?"

I heard the apartment door come crashing open, followed by the sound of many footsteps against the kitchen floor. It sounded like something… inhuman. Like claws. Immediately, I smiled. I knew what Jeremy did.

I shed myself of the blindfold and gasped at what I saw. "Jerry?! You… You got me a puppy!"

I ran over, pulling the tiny Labrador into my arms. It was a yellow lab and I immediately knew what to name it. "Oh my gosh!" I kept saying, ruffling the puppy's ears. "Ken's so cute!"

Mal laughed. "W-What?"

I looked up, seeing Mal's face turn pale. "I'm naming this dog Ken. It isn't a puppy name… but that doesn't matter."

Jeremy shook his head, kneeling down next to me. "It's a girl, you know."

Damn it.

But I solved the problem quickly. Hence why I'm a Detective. "Alright then… Kenzi. Her name's Kenzi."

She was truly the most adorable creature in the world. After petting her nonstop for probably ten minutes while Mal and Jeremy stood nearby, laughing at the adorable faces the dog was making, I looked up at Jeremy, and couldn't stop smiling. "Best. Birthday. Present. Ever."

I picked Kenzi up, feeling her weightlessly shift in my arms. She was little now, and she was also very movable. She didn't mind getting picked up. And she definitely knew who her Mom and Dad were. Hence why she was so responsive to Jeremy and I, but clearly didn't like Mal at all. If we ever needed a pet sitter, we'd be asking Natara. Or even… Kai.

No. Never. I don't know what I just said. I'd have to be beyond drunk to even consider… No. Never. Ever.

Mal cleared his throat while Jeremy and I shared a long, intimate kiss, with the tiny puppy awkwardly placed in my arms between us.

"Well…" Mal began, "I think I'm going to hit the road. You're welcome, by the way."

He chuckled while he headed out the door. Jeremy separated his lips from mine and shouted after him. "Hey! You owed Blaise a favor, remember?!"

When no response was heard, he turned back to me. His deep, brown eyes locked with mine. "So… I'm the best boyfriend ever, right?"

I nodded, moving my gaze back down towards the new puppy, who to my surprise, was already dozing off. "Yes. Definitely."

His lips met mine again, but only briefly, as he moved around me towards the cake. He cut us each a piece, as the puppy instantly awoke at the scent of food. It was adorable. As much as I wanted to give her some frosting, Jeremy commanded that I shouldn't. He said it would make her hyper.

She was a puppy, though. How much more hyper could she really get? Besides, she was too darn cute.

As him and I intermittently snuck bites of cake behind Kenzi's back, since we didn't want her to get upset, I mentioned a question I had been wondering about ever since I saw the puppy. "So… this is going to be _our _puppy, right? And not just mine?"

He shrugged. "That's what I hoped. But if you'd rather just call her yours, then it's your puppy."

I shook my head, and snuck another bit of cake while the puppy nuzzled against my stomach. "No. I'd like her to be ours. But… where's she going to stay… I mean… if we both have equal custody, so to speak?" I giggled.

"Well…" His tone shifted. The entire mood shifted. I sensed the seriousness of the conversation changing. And I didn't like it- only because I sucked at serious conversations. "That's something else I was going to talk to you about. The thing is, I am here with you almost every night anyways. And when I'm not here, you're staying the night at my place, correct?"

"Correct." I replied, knowing where he was taking this.

"And your lease is up in less than a month, correct?" I almost forgot about that. "You're correct."

"And mine just began in August. So here's my thought… move in with me."

I had a hard time objecting. "Of course I will, babe."

I went to go kiss him, but before I could, he slipped out of my grip. I was immediately confused by this. "Look, I just want to make sure that we're clear of each other's intentions. This is a big step. So was Kenzi, here. I really like you, Blaise. Love you, to be honest. So you know… when we do this… there won't be a whole lot of second thoughts. It's a commitment. I just wanted to make sure you're ready to commit to me for at least another six months, until the lease is up." He awkwardly chuckled, fiddling with a loose strand of my hair. "So, with that being said… you're still in?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you were hesitant to be with me exactly one year ago. I know things have changed ever since… you know. I hate to bring that up, but I just want to make sure. And it's not to be selfish. This is all about you. Are you ready to be with me on a semi-permanent basis?"

His overly-critical trait was cute. It was annoying sometimes. But in moments like this, with his eyes glimmering under the dim kitchen lights, and after he just got me a puppy for my birthday, I thought he was the sexiest man in the world. "Yes, Jerry. I am."

A crooked smile formed on his tan lips. "That's all I needed to know."

_My birthday wish was already coming true._

_What did I wish for?_

_That this… whatever it was… wouldn't ever end._

_Mal Fallon's POV_

After seeing Blaise and Jeremy's uncontrollable expressions of love, all that I wanted was to be at home with my girlfriend, Natara. Too bad that tonight was a girl's night. She was out with Neha, and told me that if she didn't stay at her parent's house tonight, she wouldn't be home until late.

It bummed me out a little, only because I missed her.

However, surprise struck me as I casually opened my apartment door, to find her sitting on the windowsill, gazing out onto the street. She didn't even turn around when I walked in. That was even more of a surprise.

After I set my keys down, I snuck up behind her and wound my arms around her. "Babe, what are you doing back home? I thought you were-"

I zipped my lips when I noticed the look in her eyes. Strained. Red. Puffy. Still gorgeous as ever. But definitely pained. Her bottom lip wiggled as she fought back tears.

"Natara, what's wrong?"

I tried not to sound alarmed, but I couldn't help it. I pulled her into my arms without saying much of anything. But she still wasn't crying, or really even moving. She looked petrified. Like she had seen a ghost. "You were fine like an hour ago before I left. What happened while I was gone?"

She still wasn't talking. Or moving. Just staring out the window. Fighting back tears. "I guess I can hold you until you tell me. Or I can leave you alone. Whichever you want…"

I trailed off. She didn't speak still. But I knew the answer as she immediately clung to me, warm tears sliding off her face and onto my shoulder. I didn't leave her. I just held her tighter.

"Okay, okay. I'm not leaving just… just tell me."

She began to rapidly shake her head from left to right, still barricading herself in the confines of my chest, nestled in the crook of my neck.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I watched her shake back to reality. The color returned to her amazing features as her green eyes, which were previously cold and distant, revived into a more colorful, happy shade. I felt relief. "Nat, are you alright?"

Her brown raised. "W-What the.. Mal… what are you doing here?"

"What do you mean? I just got home from Blaise's with Jeremy… you were curled up in a ball in front of the window, and you looked terrified. I held you for about ten minutes while you began to cry and cling to me for dear life. You don't remember that?"

Silence resumed and before I could get frustrated, and think it was happening all over again, she looked even more horrified than before. "My god… you- shit. No. That's not possible. I was just…. I just…."

I forced her gaze to meet mine. "You just what?"

"The last thing that I remember, Mal, is falling asleep. In bed."

I sighed, trying to figure out how to feel. "Was it a nightmare?"

Unfortunately, she nodded. "You could call them nightmares, sure. I prefer to call them previews of hell."

"Stop saying that. I'm sure it isn't helping."

"Well, you asked, didn't you?"

The irritation grew in her voice, while I let a comforting hand soothe itself into her hair, up near her scalp. It was one of her "special spots". If I did that, I knew I had her in the palm of my hand, no matter what. No pun intended.

"Mal, I think I have a sleep disorder…"

**REVIEW PLEASEEEEEE**

**Review replies:**

**My Quiet Riot: **Thanks! I'm going to try and update as much as possible!

**NiekaWow:** Yes, plan for lots of Maltara in this story! And thanks!

**Lisa: **WOW THANKS! Ik right?! When Maltara finally happened in CoD, I was in disbelief. I semi-slapped myself across the face because let's face it, we've all been waiting a long time for it. And as much as I'd love to write Maltara as a perfect relationship, I can't. And only because I appreciate abnormal psychology so much, I'd like to make Natara a little bit damaged. Plus, it helps with Mal being as much of a sweetie as he is, and he's completely devoted to her.

**Molly:** Yeah he is! He's a doll! And thank you so very much!

**Jade: **I said "awwwww" when I read your review. Yeah, Natara needs to open up to Mal, but respectively to her psychology, she feels guilty for even thinking of Mal as being somebody who would ever hurt her. Because deep down, she knows he wouldn't.(Hence why they haven't ever discussed her holding a gun to his head in "Words"), but all these things will be sorted out in this story. Hopefully before they get married! Haha.

**Tori:** Some Jaise added to his update, just for you! Hahah. They will have plenty of moments in this story, thankfully. Which is great, because I love the Jaise pairing! Enjoy!


	4. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: I just wanted to show extra appreciation to you readers for last chapter's reviews. They were extra nice and it always makes me smile. I just wanted to let you all know. Also, thank you for bearing with some of these characters as I'm pulling a couple of them out of character(Blaise and Natara) for purposes of the story. Please do keep reading. I know I can't update as often as I used to and I do apologize! I wish that I could! But regardless, enjoy this update! It's pretty fluffy with the maltara. _

_**Awake- Chapter Three**_

_Natara Williams' POV_

When I woke up, five minutes ago, I didn't remember anything. At least- anything that Mal had described. I had been having nightmares for weeks, months even. Mal knew about them. But what he didn't know, was what occurred in the dreams. If he did know, he wouldn't stay with me. I knew that. Because let's face it…

I am losing it.

There's no way to sugar-coat this sort of fallacy in my messed up mind that my adoring, amazing boyfriend tries to murder me in my sleep.

I even _googled _it on my laptop. I tried to find stories or medical advice about anybody experiencing the same thing.

Zero search results.

"Mal, I think I might have a sleep disorder."

I felt safe in his snuggly arms. I always did. And ever since I woke up, that's where I'd been- just breathing into his warm chest and despite the worry, feeling completely careless. The feeling is impossible to describe unless you've been in love. The world around you could be falling apart, but if you're with the love of your life, you can still summon a smile…

Or at the very least, a positive thought.

"A sleep disorder.." He began, continuing to thoroughly comb his fingers lightly through my hair. This soothed me. It felt better than he realized, and I feel like he didn't even know. The act was so natural to him. It was done with ease. "… Or you're just upset. It's understandable. But here's what I think we should do…"

He trailed off, and I waited. My fingers played with the curves of his back muscles, delicately grazing the soft cotton of his shirt. My eyes met his with intensity. And to my amazement, the fire never died. Eye contact was something special, and highly potent, for any true connection. Our eye contact was an impenetrable tunnel that carried so much energy… so much _love._ I added it to the mental list that I began making of why marrying him was completely justified.

He continued, "You're going to hate me, though, when I say this."

I sighed, grasping him around the back of his neck, true desperation growing inside me. "I could never do such a thing. Just say it."

"I think… I- I think we should… seek external help."

Oxygen abruptly left my lungs and escaped my mouth; _External help?_

"Mal, are you suggesting… seeing a counselor?"

His lips quivering very minimally as he struggled to find the appropriate words. Just as well, his weight kept shifting. It was uncomfortable for him to say. I knew that. All the while, it made me feel too fragile… too breakable. And of all the things that I could have been, those would come in dead last on my preferred list. "Well, when you say it like that-"

Immediately, I cut him off, interrupting the sentence. "Just come out and say it. Do you think I need psychological help?"

His face grew even more serious, further burning me with his aquatic blue irises. "Of course not. I feel like you're honestly the strongest woman on this planet, after everything you've been through. But what I do think you need, Natara, is a goddamn break. I'm sick of you waking up in tears. I'm sick of you thrashing and screaming randomly in the middle of dead sleep. And most of all, and generally speaking, I'm just sick of seeing that beautiful face stuck in a permanent frown."

My heart skipped a beat. He always knew what to say. And the best part- he was telling the truth. I believed him.

"All that I want is to help you. I just want to make you smile."

I turned my expression downwards again, burying my head into his chest. I felt true exhaustion eating me up right then. All I wanted to do was sleep- a true sleep. I wanted only a sleep not interrupted by nightmares.

And it wouldn't hurt not to sleepwalk and begin beating up my boyfriend from the other side of the bed but… if I did have a sleep disorder, that was surely part of it, too, I assumed.

But thinking about it only made it worse.

Mal killed all the pent up tears, again, and swept me off of my feet and into the bedroom.

His soft kisses trailed up and down my neck and to my earlobe. The area was sensitive to his tingly breaths. And that, he definitely knew. He had used it to his advantage before. As we landed on the bed together, he snuggled closer to me than he ever had before. On top of the blankets, immediate tired took over. "Take a nap. I'm going to be right here. And if and when anything bad happens, I'm going to wake you up. Alright?"

The idea was a little scary, but I didn't have any other options. One, I was far too tired. Two, I knew I was safe here. "Thank you. I love you."

I pecked his lips, but it was still passionate. "And I love you. Now get some sleep, beautiful."

My heart's beating slowly decreased to a comfortable rate of relaxation. The encompassing warmth provided by my boyfriend, the human space heater, aided in getting me there. Just as well, his fingers ran tiny circles all over my body. He began at my lower back, which was where the majority of my tension was gathered. He traveled to my upper thigh and then to the back of my shoulder blades.

It felt amazing.

As my consciousness disappeared into oblivion, my thoughts cleared.

All I did was focus on our soft breathing in synchronization as my body faded into a state of minor paralysis.

And after less than another five minutes, sleep captured me.

Four hours later, I still felt warm and comfortable. As my eyes peeled open, I smiled, seeing Mal's arms protectively wrapped around me. He wasn't sleeping. And it was six-thirty in the morning. I knew because of the red illuminating clock behind him on the table.

Collectively, we sighed and rolled out of bed, not eager for the long day of work ahead of us. He stumbled into the kitchen to brew some coffee. I moved towards the shower, and it gave me a moment to reflect on what happened before I fell asleep.

I kept thinking about how amazing that Mal was. Perfect, really. I felt like sometimes, I wasn't grateful enough to have a man like him to marry. Not every woman is as lucky as I am.

After getting clean, I searched around the apartment for Mal. Still in the kitchen cooking some breakfast, he smiled when he noticed me. "Finally… you take so long, princess. But hey, fresh omelettes for breakfast! I'll join you in a minute. I just gotta shower…"

He moved around me, but I stopped him in his tracks and pulled him into me. I refused to let him move. I locked my gaze with his and placed my hand comfortably on the tips of his brunette hair, grazing it lightly. "Babe, in case I don't tell you enough, I really do love you. Thank you for being amazing last night."

He smiled widely and embraced me. "Don't thank me. What kind of a husband would I be if I let you suffer like that?"

For the first time since Oscar, the word husband didn't scare me. In fact, I loved it, especially when it was tied to him. "You're _my _husband. And I couldn't be any happier. Ever."

I really couldn't have. Despite my constant nightmares and doubts about love in general, Mal was always there for me. And I guess that was another reason why I was marrying him. He confirmed to me that real love does exist, and I lived with it, kissed it, and gazed at it every day.

He softly pecked my lips, his breath reeking of coffee, and stepped away from me. "Now get dressed for work. We're going to be late."

He sighed, and shot me a seductive, sneaky smile as he gallivanted off towards our bathroom.

Moments later, we were off towards the precinct. The drive was pretty short, and filled with dorky music from my iPod that Mal secretly enjoyed me singing obnoxiously to. He acted annoyed, but he always smiled and giggled when I did it.

"Put you in a Song" came on, and I always told Mal that it reminded me of him, primarily because of one line of the song.

_I'd sing about your smile and your pretty blue eyes and the way your hair shimmers in the sunlight…_

I locked eyes with him as I sang that specific lyric. He blushed, just like he always did, and pulled into his assigned parking spot. "Natara Fallon, you are just something else."

**Review Replies: **_I didn't anticipate this chapter being so short, but I'm very busy right now and I haven't had the time to really write. So I apologize, AND, please do keep reading. Things will get more interesting, I promise._

**CoDisgreat: thank you! you're so nice! Yeah… everybody's coming down with this cold that's going around. It's the weather change, back to school, etc. I know I personally have had it for like a week and a half because I've had no down-time. I hope you get better! Eat tons of ice cream and drink orange juice! : )**

**Tori: You're welcome for the Jaise! : ) Jeremy's just as cheesy as Mal is, haha. These boys are total cheese balls. I would totally let Kai watch my pets. Hell, I'd be his best friend! But none of the CoD characters like Kai : ( Poor kid. Yeah, poor Natara. Mal's a stand-up guy. He's totally going to help her through this. He's just a great dude.**

**Molly: Aha I laughed at Blaisebird. I like that title better than "Jaise". Awwww thanks so much! I'm glad that I'm funny. I know I'm not that funny. Not comedian status, at least, but I'm glad I can make you laugh! **

**Jade: Yes, they are adorable : ) Mal really is the best. Both in the game and in my fanfic. I wish all boys were like Mal. But they aren't : ( Wahhhh. Thanks so much! I'm sorry that you're addicted to my story lol. I'm trying to update as much as I can for you enthusiasts. **

**KingK24: Thank you! And yes, I did intend on that. Jerry is Jeremy's nickname. Personally, I'm not a fan of it because it makes him sound old… haha. But I will use it occasionally throughout the story. **

**The Sarcastic Polar Bear: PUPPIES! I love puppies, too. Haha. And thank you! Hahaha I say the same thing, if Mal wasn't an animated, fictional character and I didn't love Natara so much, I'd be all over that. Plus, in real life, boys are just mean.**


	5. Chapter 4

**Awake- Chapter Four**

_POV: Natara Williams_

Regrettably, after entering the bullpen, Mal and I separated. He wandered off into his office in the Detective's bureau, while I approached my dingy, temporary cubicle in the midst of the hubbub of deputies, officers, and secretaries.

Normally, I didn't get migraine headaches. I only really ever got a true headache when I was hungover or needed to eat something. But this time- the ache that formed at the fore-front of my temples began to literally massacre that side of almost my entire body. I hadn't ever experienced anything like it.

Almost immediately after I sat down, I decided that there wouldn't be a real way to survive this shift. But somehow, like everything else, I needed to make it through. I raided my purse, pockets, and desk, searching for some heavy-duty headache medicine. None.

The next step, I began to solicit surrounding officers and see if anybody had any. Officer Bartaugh chuckled as he leaned against my desk. "Haha! Why do you ask, Agent? Rough night last night?"

I shot the Officer a confined glare and stumbled with my wording. "No, y- No. I'm just… I'm not sure what this is. I feel… really sick."

The expression on his face changed. "Yeah, you don't look like you're feeling too well. Maybe go ask your handsome Detective if he has one. He used to get migraines all the time, you know?"

Mentally, I laughed. Was he kidding? Of course I knew. Plus, I hadn't considered asking any of the Detectives to see if they could help.

After thinking in slow motion, Joe spoke again. I hadn't been able to form a coherent reply to what he previously said. "Speaking of your dashing detective… when _is _this wedding I've been hearing about?"

Something about that sentence just irked me. Maybe it was the word _dashing_, and how it was tied to my ex-fiancé, Oscar Santos, for so long. For as long as I knew him, everybody referred to him as the 'Dashing D.A.'. But to be honest, what Joe said went deeper than a simple adjective. It was the wedding. Something about him mentioning the wedding… it just amplified my migraine to the trillionth power.

I rose from my chair and moved around him. "Thanks, Bartaugh."

I exited the area and passed the coffee pot, where I thankfully spotted Mal, pouring himself a steaming cup. "Mal." I muttered, eyeing him hopefully.

His eyes glimmered. "Gorgeous… Miss me already?"

I temporarily ignored that and inquired. "Aspirin?"

He chuckled and took hold of my hand. "Oh no…Already?"

Thankfully, he dug under a pile of papers in his desk, sifting through field notes and whatnot, coming out with a pill bottle with Ibuprofen. I smiled. "You're a lifesaver."

We parted with a peck on the lips, and I popped a couple of these tablets, and went back to my desk and attempted to buckle down on some reports. Thankfully, the painkillers did the job for about forty-five minutes. My head hurt minimally, but I could have easily suffered through it until my lunch break. However, the numbness provided by the medication didn't last long. And as soon as the effects wore down, I found myself in even more pain than before. Every ounce of sunlight stung my vision, and every face in the room seemed angry and horrifying. I couldn't comprehend what I was seeing. I felt on edge- to say the very least. I felt like a soldier on the front line. Vulnerable, unarmed, and in danger, was all I understood. I felt the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stick upright. That feeling wasn't something I experienced in years.

I felt daring, and stood up straight, glancing around the tiny space. The only noises present were keyboards clicking, phone lines ringing, and the biggest… the worst…. _a ticking clock._

It was a noise that I was far too familiar with. My eyes scanned the room, searching for the source of this outrageous, ear-shattering ticking. It wouldn't shut up. It needed to _just stop._

Before I could censor myself, I spoke loudly, "Who's doing that?"

The room went eerily silent, aside from that goddamn ticking. When the employees all exchanged confused glances, I spoke again, a little louder this time. "Whoever is making that noise, can you please just stop? My head really hurts, and-"

I was cut off by Elle, the office supervisor, interrupting my outburst. "Natara, what are you talking about?"

Great. I was losing my mind again. Again. I was either hearing things, or somebody was playing a disgusting joke on me- probably Kai. But either way, the deafening ticking pounded my eardrums as I crouched down against the tile, covering my ears with my hands, tightly attempting to muffle out the noise.

But it only made it worse. I couldn't ever hear anything else.

I felt hands on me, people attempting to get me to open my eyes- which I then realized, they were stapled shut. Whenever I tried to open them, bright lights blinded me. Commotion erupted all around me. I felt the ground around me become warm with body heat, as a very familiar, warm set of hands landed on my hair, grazing it gently.

The ticking- still loud as ever, prevented me from hearing this person's words. I tried to shove whoever it was away, though. I didn't want to be near anybody. No one.

I wasn't experiencing full paralysis, but movement stung. When I attempted to adjust my perceptions to normal, I felt like I was getting stabbed in each limb of my body. Again, attempting to peer out of my eyes, the lights blinded me, but I fought the burn and realized that the warm hand on my head was Mal. However, it was when I could finally see- that my eyes divulged something demonic.

Mal's irises- normally blue and sparkling, became red and satanic. His smile became reeking with evil. The smirk was devilish. A pale, white complexion took over his face, which was no longer pretty youthful, it was old and wrung with black circles under the eyes.

I cringed, fighting this person. Movement was so limited, though. And my eyes were fixated on this creature that I never knew Mal to be. Everything around it was white and blinding. Searching for words, I came up with none. However, this thing, disguising itself as my Mal, laughed a sinister laugh, sinking sorrow deep into me.

Still not even breathing, I fought to find oxygen, while not deviating my stare from the strained creature that had captured me. As my eyes wouldn't dare leave the sight, they picked up something horrifying that had just formed- long, white hair, and facial scarring.

Finally, a sharp scream erupted, and it burned my throat.

It was me, and I just realized it. The cry was mine.

As a sudden wave of reality sprung onto me, I departed from my other world. When the pain ceased, I opened my eyes to about every pair of eyes in the precinct, all gawking at me- Mal, my adoring fiancé included.

And the ticking, it had completely faded out.

His eyes looked pained, and completely confused. Saddened, sure, but that was an understatement. Picture the saddest puppy on the planet, and that was Mal.

I sat up like a lightning bolt, scanning the area around me. Was I dreaming?

Mal's deep voice was hoarse, as if he had just been screaming for hours. "Nat, A-Are you okay? What the hell-"

Before I could allow tears to escape me again, and appear to be any weaker, I immediately dashed away from the scene, hoping nobody would follow. And before I could even think twice, I ran out the front precinct doors, not stopping until I knew that there was no one behind me.

I ran for about twelve minutes, without stopping. And for whatever reason, my body brought me to see somebody who I hadn't seen in a while- my little sister, Neha. I arrived at her new apartment. Her and her best friend, Alexa, had gotten an apartment together for this semester at school, as opposed to grody dorm rooms, she said.

And quite truthfully, I had been to this apartment before, and it wasn't much cleaner than a dorm room.

After two or three impatient knocks, she finally answered the door. "Natara… What's- Oh god.. What the? Why are you… crying?"

I pushed past her, noticing commotion in an adjoining room. However, I had bigger things to be concerned with. "I-I don't even know. How crazy is that?"

To my surprise, Neha pulled me into a deep hug. "Not at all, actually. In fact, I expected you to lose your mind long before this."

I laughed shyly, appreciating her attempt at humor. "I just know what I'm doing, anymore… everything's falling apart."

She motioned for me to join her on the sofa, and I abided. "That's not possible. Look, sis, I know you. You're in love with your fiancé. You're getting married this time for good, to a man who you're going to grow old with. Work finally settled down for you, and you're happy. You're just stressed out right now. I always had a sinking suspicion that you weren't happy with Oscar… and maybe you just feel whiplash right now, after leaving Oscar and instantly moving in and getting engaged to Mal. Do you think that could be it?"

I shrugged, sinking my weight into the couch. "Highly doubt that. I couldn't be happier when it comes to my decision to date Mal. I love him so much, and he's been amazing. It's just- it's complicated to explain, especially when I don't understand it fully myself."

"Do you think maybe you should go talk to somebody? To put things in perspective?"

Irritation grew deep inside me. Why was everybody suggesting that? Sure, I mean- I knew I looked crazy, especially after what just happened at work, but I knew I didn't need to see a therapist. "But I'm a professional criminal psychologist for Christ's Sake! I don't _need _that."

She let out a deep exhale and rolled her eyes. "So stubborn, you are. But have it your way… all I know, is I've been waiting for what seems like too long so see my big sister happy. What will it take?"

Just as she finished that question, her cell phone vibrated across the room on the kitchen counter. I watched her tiny frame rush over and check the caller ID. Her hands gripped her pink, bedazzled iPhone as I read the ID. It read _Sissy's Boo._

"It's Mal." She commented.

She only hesitated a second before she answered. "Hey, Mal. I got your girl over here. Care to tell me what's up with her?"

I strained to hear what he was saying, but it was difficult. "Thank god! I was so damn worried. You guys are at your apartment?"

Neha began to munch on a bag of Doritos that she found on the other side of the couch. "Yeah. Yeah. She's fine… why? What happened?"

I heard Mal sigh loudly before speaking again. "I'm not sure. Look, can I talk to her?"

"Yeah, sure."

Neha tossed me the phone and disappeared off into the hallway towards her room. I felt a shiver, waiting for Mal to get angry with me.

"Hi, Mal. Look, I'm sor-"

He cut me off. "Don't apologize. Just… what happened today? You scared me to death, Natara."

Silence took me over as I realized that I really, honestly, didn't know. "I- D-Don't even kn- wanna talk about it…"

To keep myself from crying, I sniffled. "No. Don't cry. Come on. Just tell me what you experienced. I want to help you, baby."

I sighed. He couldn't. Nobody could. Even I couldn't.

"Are you still at work?" I changed the subject.

"No, I'm actually at home. I didn't know where you went. I chased you, thinking you came here. And I'm actually driving to Neha's right now…"

As he trailed off, I didn't expect the following words to leave my mouth. "Don't. Turn around. I'm sorry. I-I just… I'll be home later. I need to be with my sister for a little while, if you don't mind."

Disappointment overtook his voice. "I'm just worried about you. What happened today… that wasn't normal!"

"You don't think I know that?!" I suddenly snapped, feeling my pent up tears explode onto my cheeks. "Why do you think I ran out of that place screaming, today? I have no idea _what's going on here_. All I know, is that I'm terrified. I don't know what else to do!"

"But you also aren't letting me help you! I'm doing everything I can! And you're shutting me out!"

I wanted to explain to him that I wasn't trying to, and that I loved him. But I just couldn't. Anger, frustration, and pure sadness took over my emotions and made me raise my voice even more. "Look, I just want to be alone, alright! For five seconds! Is that not okay? Do I need your permission for everything, Dad?"

The other line grew silent, and I felt immediate guilt. Normally, I would have apologized, left, and found my way into his warm embrace. But for whatever reason, I let the silence eat me up whole. "Fine."

With that, he hung up. And he didn't say 'I love you'. Neither did I.

**REVIEW REPLIES- **_Since I updated twice in one day, I have few reviews to reply to, so I'm going to reply to all of them with my next update. _

_Sorry that Natara is being mean to Mal right now…_


	6. Chapter 5

_**Awake- Chapter Five**_

_(POV: Natara)_

I spend most of the afternoon with Neha. And after I left Neha's apartment at around five-thirty, because she had to go to class, I was forced to suck up my pride and go home.

I knew Mal would be there, and when he was, he'd be upset with me.

But frankly- I had almost the entire day to reflect upon what I had said to him and how horrible my words were to him. I mean, in all actuality, they weren't too horrible, but he definitely didn't deserve for me to yell at him.

On the way home, I practiced my speech, not caring if people passing me in the streets thought I was insane and was talking to myself. I said, "Mal, look, I'm sorry. I love you. I didn't mean it. I know you just want to help me, and I really appreciate it… but…"

I sighed. Frozen in mid-thought, I began again, entering Mal's apartment building. "Mal, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I love you. Can we get passed this? I know you want to help, but… but-"

I was immediately cut off as I reached the door, colliding face-first with my blue-eyed lover.

Suddenly, I forgot everything I had prepared. Sadness ate away at him, and it wasn't hard to see. "Uh- h-hi… I- I- Look- Um- I didn't… I… I don't know what came over me e-earlier."

His eyes rolled, skeptical of my sincerity. "I do."

"W-what?"

"I know what came over you. Natara, listen to me for a few minutes. I know you're going to want to talk back. But just listen. I was here all day. Losing it. Terrified because my fiancé basically had a meltdown, starting screaming and convulsing on the floor at work, complaining that somebody was making a noise. And when she wakes up, she runs to her sister's house, and then proceeds to scream at me!"

Tears flooded my eyes. I half-expected him to pull me into an embrace, but he didn't. He just stood there with the same, puppy dog look on his face.

"Nat, I want to hold you. I want to tell you that everything will be okay. But I can't do that anymore. Clearly, it's an empty promise. I'm trying to help you with whatever it is that's going on, but you just shut me out. You know, I can't do this forever, especially if we're getting married. I want to deal with this."

Again, shock overcame me. Was he breaking up with me? He couldn't. How could he do that? After all of this time… all of this waiting… everything we had been through… he couldn't leave me. Could he?

"But it's hard. I'm putting in exorbitant amounts of effort to reach out to you and help you with these nightmares and episodes, but you ignore all of my attempts. And it's not fair to me. I almost feel like I'm _enabling _you. It's weird but… that's how I feel."

I shook my head and locked my gaze with a carpet fiber. I should have known this was too good to be true. "M-mal, trust me. If I told you… about my d-dreams. You'd be gone."

"And why do you think I would ever leave you?"

I froze, returning my eyes to his. "You just said-"

"No, I said I can't do this forever, because I can't. Nat, I couldn't ever leave you in a million years. When I proposed, I meant every word of what I said. I'm never going to ever leave you. But… I can't keep dealing with this if you won't let me help you. At a certain point, we're going to have to just cope with this, instead of solving it, and fixing it- which is what should be done. If you don't tell me, I can't do anything, though."

If only he knew the truth. "But you can't change my past! Nobody can! That's all this is!"

Finally, his touch, which I had been yearning for since I saw him- just the luxury of him honoring me with his warm fingers delicately grazing my cheek. "It _is_ your past. But it's also your future."

Again, I waited, allowing only one tear to escape my eye.

"Trust me?" He finished, leaving the ball bouncing in my court.

After what seemed like minutes of my gaze burning holes in the carpet, and his eyes further etching daggers into mine, I had decided. "Okay, but when I tell you this, just promise that we don't have to talk about it ever again.."

"I can't promise that."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not. It's obviously important."

"But-"

"No."

"But Mal-"

"Either you tell me, or you don't, but this isn't like a campfire story or sleepover gossip. It's relevant, pertinent information that we need to discuss, and if it means we talk about it one time or twenty or every day until we die, I don't care. It's not going to just go away as soon as you vent about it."

Anger consumed me again, and I didn't care this time about my reactions. "This is part of our issue, you know? You talk to me like I'm a damn child! Did you know that?! I can't deal with it!"

I finished my small tirade and pushed past him into our apartment, and to maintain my maturity, I avoided my instinctual hiding place- our bathroom, where I would have carefully locked the door. I, instead, went to bed.

I was tired.

And if my nightmares wanted to invade again, so be it.

I buried myself in covers.

But since he was Mal, and all, he didn't give up easy. He snuck up behind me under the covers, this time, fully enveloping me in his warm arms, making me his prisoner. And I had no complaints. "I just can't win can I?"

I said nothing, truly feeling just plain exhausted.

"Too bad I won almost two months ago when I made you my fiancé… "

I sighed, pulling away. "Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Stop doing that."

He turned away from me, and suddenly, I wanted his arms around me again. "Okay, I'll be the distant, cannot-care-any-less, husband. How about that then?"

As he looked back at me, I shook my head from left to right sharply.

"No?" He confirmed, locking me up in his arms again. "Then stop being like this! Don't fight the person who loves you more than anything."

Finally, I found some words. "I'm sorry, Mal."

He froze. "What?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of anything I've said. I know you're just trying to help me, and I understand that. I love you."

A smile stuck to his face as he pecked my lips. "You're forgiven. And I love you, too, more than you'll ever know."

He held me tight while I slept for a few hours, but when I woke up at Midnight, and I promised him I would finally talk about what happened, I decided to face my demons, and deal with this awoken evil.

Mal and I decided to go out onto the balcony, despite the cold, the fresh air was comforting and refreshing as I attempted to figure out how to tell Mal the truth.

At first, he kept his distance from me, but at the first sign of struggle with my words, he moved a little closer, only lacing our fingers together. "Okay, should I guess?"

I hadn't thought of that possibility yet. "No." I decided. "I'm going to tell you straight up."

He remained silent at that point.

I began the long story, trying to sound as together as possible. "Well, I don't know when it exactly started. And I don't know why it's happening. But here's the truth, basically, after shooting Shawn almost a year ago, I've been having a hard time. He's been officially cremated, and is finally dead, but… he's haunting me, Mal. He's in all of my nightmares."

I fought back sobs. Not tears. Full-fledged sobs.

"In every dream, it starts off with him harassing me, me attempting to combat the situation… but… then you're there."

While I expected for him to raise an eyebrow, interject, or look perplexed, he remained attentive and allowed me to finish.

"And… And…"

Of course, I was going to struggle with this part. How could I possibly say it? My lips began to say never mind, but I didn't allow it. "Ne- Okay. Well, here's the truth. In my nightmares, Mal, you always try to kill me."

**Review Replies: **_I began another fun little story called "SFPDIM", it was going to be a one-shot, but screw it, it's going to be a story. Probably only four to five chapters, but it's going to be pretty entertaining. Lot's of kai-time in there and Anders even sneaks up in there. Check it out! Meanwhile, after this update, things will begin to get weird between Mal and Natara. Bear with me though as it benefits the story._

_**Jade: She's just traumatized. It's caught up to her. Which doesn't surprise me. It happens to tons of cops and profilers. They see sides of life that are the worst, every day, and rarely get time to thoroughly process it, or see the good in life. And haha I think you did tell me that before but that's alright! Lol : ) Thanks again!**_

_**Molly: Shankssssss, keep reading girl : )**_

_**The Sarcastic Polar Bear: I know, she's kind of losing it, hence Mal's frustration because he's doing everything he can to reach out to her. But also, think of her psychology. She doesn't really understand it yet. But when she does, she can move away from the denial and hopefully figure things out.**_

_**Tori: Yeah, it's okay only because she's experiencing some weird things psychologically. What? Who knows… I don't even know yet, lol. And thank you! Hopefully I can top that chapter with some of the later chapters..**_

_**Lisa: lol it's alright. I forgive : ) To be honest, I don't know if she's going to have post-traumatic stress disorder, schizophrenia, or even just anxiety? Any ideas?**_


	7. Chapter 6 Mal's POV

_**Awake- Chapter Six- Murder by love- Mal's Chapter**_

"_In my dreams, Mal, you always try to kill me."_

My knee-jerk mental reaction was that she was only kidding. Was she? No. The frightened, anxious, albeit gorgeous, expression on her face suggested that she was dead serious.

She waited for me to speak, however, I couldn't really find any words. "But Natara, I'd never-"

"Kill me? I know."

I snaked an arm around her, seeing her, again, fighting back tears. I was beyond sick of it. She was so much more beautiful when she smiled. So I decided, this entire conversation was going to wait. I wanted to know what happened in the nightmares. And now I did. But I didn't want her to cry again. "Unless it's killing you with love…"

I shot a cheesy smile, and I watched her nose scrunch up. Everything seemed better, as her sadness disintegrated into the air. "I wouldn't ever complain."

I suddenly felt like kissing her. So I did.

One perk of marrying the woman you love- you can kiss her whenever you want to.

I didn't want to break off the kiss, but I had to. "Sweetheart, I need to tell you something. You're not going to like it. But there are perks."

She sighed, leaning against the balcony rail. "Ruh roh."

"The Captain, after what happened, wants you to take time. Just a week or two."

I knew she was going to get angry, and she did. But I also noticed and appreciated her effort to minimize her anger, as she realized that it wasn't my fault. "A week?! I mean, I expected this I guess. But I didn't expect longer than a couple days…"

I shrugged. "Well, while I'm gone during the days, so you don't miss me, you'll have some company.."

"I am not hanging out with Kai! Before you even try to convince me, let's just get that straight!"

I laughed. "No. I wouldn't ever subject you to such a thing. But hear me out, Jeremy and Blaise need somebody to spend time with their new puppy while they work… and you love animals… so I kind of volunteered you."

I expected her to be a little bit happier, but she looked down towards the concrete, a few stories below. "Guess it's something to do…"

I sent another smile her way. "Trust me, we'll get through this. We always do."

I kissed her again, just because I felt like it.

_**The following day**_

Natara seemed peaceful while she slept, and it was a comforting thought. Maybe talking about it did partially cure it?

I snuck out of bed in the morning and quietly brewed some coffee. I wanted her to sleep in for as long as possible.

However, shortly after I rose up and started the coffee machine, I felt tiny arms wind around my waist, hugging me close. A tiny frame tightened behind me, and I knew, just based off of the smell of her perfume melting into the air, that it was Natara. "Yum… Coffee…" She mumbled, still squeezing the life out of me. But not realizing it.

One of the many reasons I loved her whole-heartedly. "Morning, beautiful."

I turned myself in her arms to face her. "Stop being so nice to me all the time. People are going to think you're a sappy romantic."

"People can think whatever they want," I replied, immediately taking notice of the beeping on the coffee machine. It was done brewing. "When I love a girl, I'm a cheese ball. Which… I believe you may have noticed by now."

She nodded, releasing me from her grip and towards the cupboard where we kept our coffee mugs. "Oh Mal, believe me… I'd have to be either blind or an idiot not to notice. But anyway, aren't I watching Blaise and Redbirds' puppy today?"

"Yes, they're going to bring the puppy over here today. And they're going to talk to you about how to feed her, when to take her outside, etc. From what they say, she's a very calm puppy, but I'll be the judge of that."

"I've never heard of a calm puppy." She agreed.

"My thoughts exactly, but hey, give the idea a chance. I know that if I just left you here all day for two weeks you'd be upset with me. And who knows? You might actually enjoy doing this."

The skeptical look invaded her eyes. It was one I'd seen before. And as much as I knew that she was objecting to this whole "pet-sitting" thing in her mind, she was going to try it, just to appease me. Again, another reason that I loved her whole-heartedly. "I love puppies. I just don't like taking care of them."

I giggled and reached for some cereal and a bowl. "Well, speaking of taking care of things, the up-side to this two weeks off, is that we can finally start planning the wedding. We've both been busy, but I think we need to set a date."

She sighed. "By we… you mean _me._"

"Natara, I'm not going to be the fiancé that tells you to do all of the wedding planning. What kind of a person would I be if I did that? Not a very good one. And not one you'd wanna marry. But if you're here all day, you can watch Criminal Minds, and while you do that, brainstorm your perfect wedding. And then we can plan things when I get home from work."

The smile returned to her lips as she took a seat up on the counter. "Okay."

As soon as she spoke, a knock sounded at the door. It was Jeremy and Blaise. I frowned, too, looking a the clock. I had to meet the Captain in twenty minutes in his office. As she moved towards the door, I pulled her into a quick hug again. "And Nat, if anything happens. Anything. Call me. I don't care if you just feel upset or if you have another episode. Please just call me."

She nodded and I moved towards the door, passing Jeremy and Redbird, as Kenzi came charging towards me. "_Ahh…" _The puppy was tiny. But man, it was certainly a force to be reckoned with. Natara was definitely going to have fun.

"Blaise! Jeremy! This dog wants to kill me!"

Blaise chuckled helplessly, trying to hide it, but I could tell she was overly amused. "She doesn't want to kill you. She just has her people.. Clearly, you aren't one of them."

As Jeremy pried the puppy away from my leg, I couldn't help but laugh, too. Imagining my fiancé attempting to manage this puppy for about eight hours a day. It was horrible to do that to her. But I couldn't help but laugh. "Well, hopefully Natara is one of those people…" Blaise added.

I realized the time again and departed, pecking Natara on the cheek one last time before the long day awaiting me.

Nerves consumed me as I made my way to my car. Sure, she was a grown woman and was beyond capable of handling herself in an abundance of situations, but she was having a hard time right now. And naturally, I wanted to be there to protect her- even if she didn't need it. I struggled with the idea of not having her with me at the precinct today, but I knew she was better off with taking some vacation time.

I just hoped this puppy would be enough to distract her.

_A/N: I realize this chapter was extremely short. But I promise that things are about to get pretty interesting. Here's your replies:_

**Jara: **I updated : ) Sorry for the wait! Sooo busy you wouldn't even believe…

**NiekaWow: **Thank you! Well here's what happens!

**CoDisgreat: **Yeah, people are still getting sick :/ it blows!

**The Beautiful Filth: **I do many cliffhangers. Haha. Ask everybody.

**Molly: **Nope. Not sure. Probably PTSD.

**Jade: **Awwwww thank you sooo very much.

**Katie: **Girl, you funny. Some Maltara in this update just for you : ) enjoy.

**Tori: **Awww shanks. I forgot about SFPDIM. :0 Oh well, this story is going to take priority. For now. If I get any free time in the near future I will update the other.

Some pretty lazy review replies :/ I know. But its how I feel right now and Im jam packed with my schedule today. I just figured what better way to celebrate CoD Monday than updating this? I've had this written for like 2 days just too lazy to upload. Enjoy!


	8. Chapter 7

**Awake- Chapter Seven**

Nervously, I sat opposite the puppy on the sofa. Mal was going to absolutely kill me for letting the puppy sit up here, possibly getting dirt from her paws all over the cushion. But what else was I supposed to do?!

"_Erm…_ Kenzi? What a name… wonder what provoked Blaise to name you that… huh…" I mumbled, fidgeting with the edge of the pillow that I leaned against. Normally, being around an animal wouldn't make me so nervous. I don't know what was wrong with me.

"I don't know why I expect for you to talk back…."

Again. I was simply speaking to a wall. The puppy couldn't hear. This could have actually been beneficial. I could tell this puppy a tremendous amount of information and I would be able to fully trust that nobody else would ever hear.

Screw it.

"Well… Kenz. I might as well introduce myself. My name is Natara Fallon. More specifically, almost Natara Fallon. Me and that guy you hate, Mal is his name. We're engaged…. " The puppy looked suddenly alert, extremely engrossed in my words.

"… That's a funny story, too. We met here in San Francisco. I came out here on assignment after I shot my ex-boyfriend, who actually went insane and started killing people- but that's an entirely different story…"

The puppy licked her lips and twitched a little, while inching closer to me. Maybe she thought I had food or something. She was definitely interested in something about me and what I was doing. "Basically, Mal is my partner. Initially, him and I didn't agree on our approaches to solving cases. He's very intuitive. I used to be all about using my logic and my mind to solve things the "right way", but after working with him for two years, I developed a pretty equal way of solving, between his way and my own. Either way, we became best friends. He's saved my life more times than I could count. And if I'm not mistaken, I've saved his, too."

"But… on one case, I met the District Attorney, Oscar Santos. He was… pretty alright. We were dating for a while, and then we broke up. Then we got back together and… he proposed to me. Regrettably, I said yes. And for the record, before you get all judgmental on me, pup, I only said yes to Oscar because I thought that Mal was dating your "mom". Which now that I think back to it, is pretty damn funny. But either way, when that crazy ex that I told you about, who I shot, Shawn Mallory was his name. He escaped from custody at a hospital in Fresno after he tried to stage a terrorist attack of extreme proportions. He even had a cult! It was insane. Somehow, Mal and I escaped that, too."

"Sorry. Back to what I was originally saying, when Shawn escaped his coma, somehow. Mal and I ended up getting placed into the witness protection program. For some reason, law enforcement didn't see it that Mal and I could protect ourselves already. And in order for this to happen, Mal and I had to pretend like we ran away together, keep in mind, at the time, him and I were still just good friends. I was engaged to Oscar, too. So I packed up everything and left. This was supposed to be temporary, leaving Oscar, but something told me it wasn't, and like Mal, I followed my gut."

"So first we go to Alaska, which we were only there for about twenty-four hours before we were relocated to Maine, since Shawn had been spotted near us. After being in Maine for less than a day, Mal and I slept together. I'll never forget it, to be honest. We were just horsing around, whipping each other with bath towels, and he snuck into the bathroom and we finally did it. The feeling was beyond weird, Kenzi. I was like in heaven, yet I felt reasonably strange because Mal had _put me there. _My best friend."

"…But at the same time, having sex with him only told me further that I loved him to pieces. And I tried so hard to deny it. But the night after him and I did that, he confessed to me that he was in love with me. I was terrified, but I melted almost immediately into the idea of being with him. Puppy, you don't understand. Or maybe you do. I don't even know. But… just being in his arms, or when he kisses me, I just feel complete. Like there was a part of me missing before I met him, that instantly became whole again whenever he touched me. It's kind of crazy."

"Shawn ended up trying to kill Mal and I, again. Unsuccessful, him and I actually ended up duking it out _hard. _I kicked his ass. Tell not a soul… but, something else happened that night that we got kidnapped that was devastating. Genevieve Collins killed your mommy's baby. Genevieve is this crazy woman that we aren't going to talk about. She stabbed Blaise in the stomach and then threw herself out of an eight-story window. She died, of course. But Jeremy and Blaise spent a long time grieving the entire situation. In fact, you came partially as a result of that whole mess."

"You see, Jeremy, your daddy, he felt pretty awful after what happened. He just wanted to make your mommy feel better. She was going through so much emotional pain for so long that he just couldn't stand seeing her suffer any more. She was having nightmares and was just depressed all of the time. You were a lucky attempt to make her smile again, but you know, it definitely worked. She's destined to be a caregiver, and not just a badass. Whether or not she would want to admit.."

I trailed off… suddenly losing my way through the story. "When Mal proposed to me, I thought I might die. He's perfect. And almost every day I question if I'm really worthy of marrying him. He deserves a girl who's also perfect. I'm a damaged good, really. I love him to death, yes, but I'm more trouble than I'm worth. And I know this. I also know that at the end of the day, he goes to sleep just thanking god that he can escape my situation for a few hours. I want to make him happy. I want him to not have to worry. And as much as it pains me, I know he would be a thousand times better off without me in his life…"

As I trailed off, tears formed in my eyes. Mal told me to call him if I got upset. But there was no way I would. I needed to prove that I was okay. Sure, I wasn't. But that was a small detail. I cuddled up to the puppy, surprised that she didn't even flinch. "You're a really good listener… "

I sighed and looked down at my mini-counselor, who had fallen into a deep slumber. Kenzi really was an awesome puppy. It kind of made me want my own little Kenzi.

After a few more minutes of tossing and turning, I finally dozed off, too.

_Mal's POV_

After a seemingly short day just filing reports and training rookie officers, I found myself in my car and debating my next move.

The truth was that I was miserable. And I knew exactly why I was miserable- Natara.

Whenever she was unhappy, I was, too. As this wicked depression ate her alive, it had begun to take its course on me, too. I wasn't left with a ton of options, and figured I would push for her to talk further about the entire situation tonight. However, I did want a plan B, in case this mess couldn't be solved by a hug and a kiss- and something told me it wouldn't.

I had made a phone call the previous day- a phone call to somebody that could hopefully help us a little.

I wandered into a tiny building on the outskirts of town, it neared high-end San Francisco. It clicked together in my head why the price of the help I enlisted cost so much, and I understood after stepping into the lobby.

Burgundy walls with fancy, abstract paintings nailed to the wall perfectly straight. Golfing magazines, _Bon Apetit', _and _Vogue_ covered the oak table on the far left side of the waiting area.

The receptionist's desk was empty, but I'd figure I could sign in. Within seconds of finishing the task, a heavy-set, red-haired woman who was probably in her fifties greeted me. "Hello, young man. How are you today?"

I never knew how to answer that question. Do I be honest? Do I lie? "I'm doing alright. How are you?" I finally replied with.

She smiled widely at me. "I'm going great, Mr. Fallon. Doctor Davis will be done with her current client in a couple of minutes. Feel free to take a seat."

I abided and moved over towards the magazines, only flipping two pages into a fishing magazine before a door behind the reception desk opened, "Mr. Fallon, how are you today?"

I looked up, genuinely surprised. The psychologist I spoke to on the phone sounded older, way older. This woman was probably only in her fourties, and honestly, she looked a lot like Natara. She wasn't near as beautiful as Natara though- wasn't even close. I moved towards her and held out my hand for her to shake. "I'm doing good. Considering the circumstances. You must be Dr. Davis?"

She smiled, flashing her pearly white teeth. "Just call me Serrah. Anyways, follow me."

At the end of a long hallway, we reached a large office(compared to my own office, that is), Inside, the walls changed to a deep red and everything seemed even more luxurious- leather chairs, certificates plastered all over the walls, a shiny oak desk. I sighed, moving towards the chair on the opposite side of the desk. "Alright, well, as we discussed on the phone, this is about your fiancé?"

I sighed and began to speak as eloquently as possible. Keeping it together was hard sometimes, with this especially, since it was about Natara. "Yes. I'm not sure what's wrong with her. She has these episodes. They're always different. But most of the time, she starts screaming and crying, complaining she hears this ticking. But there isn't one."

Her eyes narrowed- studying me thoroughly. "First of all, the best approach is to understand that there is _nothing _wrong with her. Psychological problems are the same as most illnesses. They make you sick- but there's usually the chance to get better. It would be wonderful if she was here. Remind me again why she didn't want to come?"

"To be honest, she doesn't know I'm here right now. I'm going to talk to her about it, but for now, I just wanted to see if you could do anything for her. You see- she's the most stubborn person in this hemisphere, not to mention, she's a criminal profiler for the FBI. She hates the idea that anybody else can help her with her psychology but her… you know?"

She nodded, writing some brief notes into a notepad. "Yes, we know that type, too. However, it just makes it more difficult. Let me ask you this, during these episodes, is she doing mostly running? Sitting still? What?"

"Sitting still, why?"

"Well, they helps me to identify that whatever she's experiencing doesn't necessarily scare her."

"That's good, right?"

"Not necessarily… Now let me ask you this… has anything relatively traumatic happened to her in the past few months.. Years, even?"

I sighed, rubbing my temples. "Well, you could say that."

"Care to explain?"

I straightened in my chair and locked eyes with the woman. "Horrible things have happened to her. And honestly, even talking about them out loud pains _me. _So really, I can only imagine how it's like for her to relive these things in her head day after day. I beg for her to talk about it. They always say that venting helps, but right now, she does everything she can to mask the agony she experiences. I guess why I'm here is…. I don't know what to do to get her to open up to me?"

"I really wish I could tell you about your fiancé, but the truth is that you know her so much better than I do. You're engaged to her. It would be easier for us if she knew about the counseling… but here's something you can _try. _It's going to be fifty-fifty. It'll either work or it won't."

"Okay…." I replied, waiting anxiously.

"Tonight, when you go home, start prying anything you can out of her. Chances are, you might not like everything she tells you, it might be dark and twisted, but it'll help us if we know exactly what thoughts are tormenting her."

"I don't care if I'll like it. I do- forgive me for being so forward- love her. So no matter what is going on with her, it won't change anything."

"I admire you for that, let me tell you. Most spouses won't go as far as even seeking counseling for their significant other when they truly need it. But furthermore- I will give you an _approximate_ diagnosis for what I think is happening, based off what you've told me on the phone and in our discretion here."

I waited, eyeing her intently.

"It sounds to me like Natara is experiencing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. In fact- that I can guarantee you. However, what I'm not sure of is the severity of it. There's the far left, which assumes that it's minimal and that her mind experiences nightmares as a coping mechanism. But what leans me to guess that it's the far right is the daytime episodes that you explained to me over the phone. The fact that she hears noises and has mental breakdowns tells me that she not only is experiencing anxiety that's deep-rooted in mistrust of almost everybody- even you, possibly, but it also suggests that it's triggering a chemical in her brain to release a substance called dopamine. It is actually a "happy" chemical. Her brain might be releasing excess amounts of it to satisfy the depression, causing the ticking noise that you told me about."

To my surprise, I didn't get lost in her big words and almost everything she was saying made sense. I tried to fathom words that were coherent, but it was difficult. She continued.

"What I'm saying, again, as a hypothesis, is that it could be transforming into a mild schizophrenia. My advice? Don't let it get there. The more that you can get her to say to you out loud, the better. And also, try to get her to come talk to me. I'm sure I can help you more once she's here."

I nodded, standing up from my seat. "I'll do what I can. Can I come in later in the week?"

"Let's aim for Monday. If she does decide to come, though, she'll need to come alone. Keep in mind, some things she might not be telling you in one-hundred percent honesty. If you're here, you could potentially overwhelm her. We don't want that."

I then left the psychologist's office and headed back home, formulating a game plan. PTSD? Schizophrenia? All things that I would never imagine having to tie to the love of my life… however, I also knew that they were surprisingly small details in the perfect slate of the words I'd use to describe Natara Williams. Even with flaws, she was still perfect. I don't care what the dictionary says.

_A/N: My schedule is about to get even more busy, if you can believe it. If I were to explain to you enthusiasts all of the things on my plate right meow, you'd go crazy just thinking about it. Lol. But for now, here's this update. Let's hope for another one this weekend?_

_**Review Replies:**_

_**Katie: **__Hahaha I like how you threaten me in half the reviews you send. Why do you think I choose to remain anonymous? Lol, j kitty. But as far as puppies go, Kenzi plays a very significant role in this story. (She had to, she's named after Ken Greene : ) ) And I knew who it was as soon as I saw that the review 1) contained a threat and 2) took up half of the page. Lol. Enjoy your update miss maltara : P_

_**AKgal2001: **__You're probably going to start to notice a change in Natara's character. She had her guard up before but in the next few chapters she's going to be very vulnerable and Mal's going to be able to pick apart her problems easier. Thankfully he's such a sweetheart that he puts so much effort into helping her. Thanks for reading!_

_**Molly: **__That's me half of the time. I'm always way to lazy to log in, so I either write "anonymous" or "anonymizzzz" lol. But thank you! _

_**Primed-pandemonium: **__Wow! I give you immense credit! That first story was like 32,000 words or something like that! You deserve a medal hahaha. Yeah, I noticed that, too! I loved the Blaisebird pairing and I hate that there are like no fanfics for them, but I'm determined to change this as well : ) Thank you for reading everything! You are definitely a trooper!_

_**The Sarcastic Polar Bear: **__The puppy doesn't like Mal because well… I don't know. Hahaha. I just felt like having the puppy hate Mal but love Natara. _

_**Tori: **__Mal is pretty funny. Thanks for reading! _


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